2/27/17

All anyone ever wants is to not be hurt and to be happy. But what if something happens and that all gets taken away from you. You lose a feeling of safety in a person, find out you might lose a close loved one, all while feeling like you’re not good enough. Losing the feeling of safely is like having someone lose your trust all while breaking you into a hundred pieces. Even if you still trust them, you don’t see that person the same and you probably don’t feel that sense of hope when around them. Losing the one person that gave you hope that maybe things could be okay. Not because of what they say, but because of the feeling they give you. They gave you hope. But people leave your life and so does hope. What you might not realize is how much hope and safety you hold in one person until you lose them. The hope that you won’t lose the loved one you thought was healthy just one week ago. The hope that the doctor isn’t going to say “this is it”. The hope that miracles can happen. Yet somehow when you lose hope in one thing the hope in others is take away so quickly. As all this goes on you don’t even love yourself to make it through a day feeling okay. You can’t even pinpoint one thing that is the cause of you feeling horrible about yourself. It slowly just molds into one and causes everything to hurt instead. So this is for the broken person who knows the exact feeling I feel.

To the people that hurt me and took away my hope: I’m glad you are happy and that your hope is stronger than it ever was. I hope you never lose that and that you finally feel true happiness. Sometimes everyone can have that and as long as you all are happy, that’s what matter.

To the people who were always actually there: Thank you. You honestly probably don’t even know how much you mean to me, but thank you for making this world bearable even when all I want to do is cry.

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