Sooooo today was interesting. Definitely still feelin the depression, but it’s weird. Like I’m used to having the depression and having no energy with it. Now I have a lot more energy, but still have the depression. I don’t know, it’s just a weird feeling. It’s kind of like mixed emotions, like I feel happy yet so incredibly down all at the same time. Honestly this is really just confusing in a way. Realistically from what I heard I’ll get more energy and the depression will start to lift, but this is so new to me I just really don’t know what to expect. Will this get even better or will it stay like this, what’s gonna happen? I’m not sure if this makes sense, and this is for me so I guess it doesn’t really need to make sense, but I am scared of losing myself. I’m so used to having my personality through depression and anxiety and that being who I am, and I don’t know who I am without it. God I don’t know how to put these feelings into words even here. I feel like I feel more emotion now, and maybe that’s because I actually am learning what happiness feels like, but it’s just so weird.
I’m shaking and I can’t breathe. What happening. No please no it hurts. The anxiety hurts. I can’t breathe. I’m shaking worse. What if my parents notice. What if they say something to me. I can’t respond. I can’t breathe. Why can’t I breathe why can’t I calm down. What’s happening I’m so scared please make it stop. Someone help. God nobody knows what’s happening to me right now. I’m alone. What if I faint. I need to get to my room. No. I got up too fast. I’m in my room. My chest really hurts. Everything’s getting blurry. The meds. My purse. I have them in my purse. I took them. Breathe. I think I’m gonna faint. It’s getting worse. I can’t breathe. Someone please text me and ask if I’m okay. I’m so scared. Floor. Floor is safe. Everything is spinning. God please make the shaking stop. I need to breathe. Breathe. Slow. Breathe. What happened. What’s causing this. I need to get on my bed. I’m so dizzy. I’m on my bed. Breathe. It’s getting better. Slow. I’m safe. It’s okay. I’m okay. Breathe. You’re okay. It’s okay. You’re okay. Breathe. Lay down. It’s okay. I feel weird. This is the meds. You’re safe. Breathe. Rest. You know that’s what you need. Exhausted. Breathe. You are safe. You are okay