I’ll be honest, I don’t even remember typing at all last night. Although i’m pretty impressed with how much I typed considering how tired I was. I didn’t sleep much last night, probably because I was still freaking out about school. I’ve been awake since 4:30am so I apologize if a good portion of this doesn’t make sense. Today honestly wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was definitely nervous, but for once I wasn’t extremely anxious. Actually, I had no anxiety today and it was the best feeling in the world. I admit that I started crying after my first class because I am so used to being anxious and scared, that for the first time I felt what it was like to be able to breathe and it was phenomenal. I made it through the entire day with no anxiety, and I have never been so thankful in my life. Feeling a little nervous feels so simple compared to what i’m normally used to. Still was kind of hard to actually focus but at least now its not because i’m panicking. Today honestly was somewhat good besides the headache I’ve had since 1:30.
On a completely different topic, there is something I really should probably talk about but i’m scared to because it is something I am very insecure about and now I don’t know what I should do. If I don’t talk about it then I don’t have to deal with it, but then it is going to continue to be a issue. Why does this all have to be so complicated? Why can’t the suicidal thoughts just stop, the memories stop, the fear stop. I guess I will find out tomorrow if I manage to talk about it. Otherwise I will eventually end up posting it on here.
Day 2 here we go!