I’ll be honest, what I posted last night was my idea of what to post today, but it felt good to say what I’ve had a idea to post for a while now. This post I think is just going to be my normal “post all of my emotions here in an attempt to make it all manageable” post. On Friday I had posted about my car breaking down again and all of my frustration with that. My dad ordered the part for my car, however it wont be in until Thursday. My dad still wants me to drive my car until we get the part, but I refuse. I admit, i’m scared after what happened Friday. My car breaks down every two weeks and i’m scared that there is gonna be a time that I actually get really hurt. So for the time being, I am driving the car that was originally supposed to be mine, but became the family car. My mom drove it until she got a new car and since my dads chemo making him weaker, he has been driving it as well since its easier to get into than his truck. The only issue with me driving it now is that I am somewhat of a clean freak when it comes to cars I drive, and my desk both at home and at work. My parents are not, so the car was absolutely disgusting and I started having a anxiety attack over how disgusting and unorganized it was. I spent about five hours cleaning every detail of that car, inside and out, including using a floor stain remover on all the seats and floors to remove all of the stains. The car is more clean now than when we got it.  That was my entire day yesterday, and then grocery shopping and doing laundry until 2:30am. Basically I am running on two and a half hours of sleep. Which worries me a bit, mostly because I know the more tired I am the less motivation  I have, and today is one of the days I need a lot of motivation to be able to make it through the day. Hopefully as the day goes on I will start to feel a little better and do good today.

Quick 11:55pm update: Today, I struggled. Partly due to having zero motivation, partly due to a migraine. I struggled, however I did not give up. I finished all of my hw and turned it in on time. I have never been so proud of myself for being able to do that. 

Today, I won the fight

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