Since my last post had a specific topic, I decided to make a second post for the rest of my emotions. I went a few days without posting anything for a variety of reasons. The more I feel down, the less I have any desire or energy to type. I admit, i’m kind of having a hard time and I don’t know what to do. Everything just kind of hurts. I love music more than anything in the world but I feel like such a failure in it right now and i’m so beyond frustrated with myself.
On a different topic, today is Hullabaloo which is basically the entire campus gathering in the quad and going to all the clubs and programs tables and there is a bunch of free food, games, prizes, and its a lot of fun from what I have heard. Here’s the issue, I am running the financial aid table for a hour, surrounded around thousands of student, and I have to talk as well. I have less than two hours before I have to go and I am on the brink of having a anxiety attack. People scare me and this is going to be a lot of people in a somewhat small space and i’m almost in tears right now. I really don’t want to do this. I really don’t want to do this. I really don’t want to do this. I really don’t want to do this. I really don’t want to do this. I really don’t want to do this. I AM FREAKIN TERRIFIED AND REALLY DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS. This is too far out of my comfort zone.
Lets switch to one last topic. Food freakin sucks. Like I know I should lose at least a little weight because i’m overweight right now, but I just want everyone to stop commenting on what I eat. My mom constantly comments on how much I eat and I try so hard to ignore what she says because I eat salad every day for lunch and even at dinner I don’t eat fast food very often. But I had a bag of candy corn in my desk at work, mainly because I know my boss loves it and she always comes by my desk to find food. I also had a banana nut muffin I was gonna have for lunch today and someone I work with came up to me and said “My god Cass how much sugar are you gonna eat girl?! Eat a salad for gods sake.” and now I can’t eat anything because I am anxious and upset about what she said to even eat anything.
I’m trying so hard to just make it through a half hour, so that maybe then I can make it through a hour, and eventually the entire day. Please
“But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength” – 2 Timothy 4:17