I walk through a forest preserve to clear my head and get some fresh aid. As I walk, I see two trails in different directions. One to the left, and one to the right. No trail markers, just two paths forcing you to make a decision. It seems like it would be such a simple decision yet if you really think about it, its a difficult decision to make. I see it like this, one path is the choice of recovery, the choice of taking care of myself, and the choice to accept my future. The other path however, is no change, no recovery, only putting others first, and pretending everything is okay. Everyone tells me to chose the path of recovery and self love but something always holds me back. Am I truly ready for recovery? Am I ready to love myself? Am I ready to face the shame? I stare down both paths seeing the good and bad to both. Which path should I go down? I talk about this trail but, this is what recovery looks like to me. A constant decision making process with no right or wrong, everything is grey. I take one step forward and look down both paths one more time before starting to walk down the path or recovery. I may stop sometimes and take on or two steps back but, I always continue to take more steps down the path of recovery. I will always make mistakes along the way but, I will always continue walking down the trail or recovery.